


I Painted A Picture (Jalex)

by kellallyourfriends



Category: All Time Low, Black Veil Brides, Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: High School AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-08-24 10:39:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 19,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8369134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kellallyourfriends/pseuds/kellallyourfriends
Summary: "You know, you're really hot.""What?""Fuck, that was a terrible idea, why did I say that?"Alex Gaskarth, a painter with a fucked-up life, meets Jack Barakat, an actor also with a fucked-up life. All goes well, until we get to the fucked-up life part.This one's also from my Wattpad, but this time I'll be doing it in chapters.Trigger Warnings:Panic attack, anxietySelf-harmHomophobic slursAbuseDeath mention





	1. Waiting For Something More

I put the brush to the canvas for hopefully the last time that day, adding the finishing touches to my latest work. It was probably the best one I'd done so far, I thought to myself as I outlined the last shape. I set my brush down and admired my painting.

It was a painting of two kids dressed all in black, surrounded by a rainbow surrealistic landscape. I couldn't paint faces yet, so the kids' backs were turned. In the foreground was a dark, forbidding path, where the kids had come from, and I'd painted them looking out into an eye-meltingly bright forest. I wondered what I should name it.

My mother's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Alex, go to bed! It's past ten and you have school tomorrow!"

I groaned. "Don't remind me!"

"Don't give me attitude, young man. You know better!"

I started to put my paints and brushes away, taking one last look at my artwork. My mom didn't know how seriously I take this. Her thought process when viewing my paintings is something like, "Did Alex paint me? No? Oh, I don't care then."

I finished washing the brushes and organizing the paints. Carefully, I picked up my painting and carried it up to my bedroom, setting it by my window where I'd see it when I woke up. I went back for the easel, hoping my mom wouldn't yell at me. 

As soon as I had everything put away, I collapsed on my bed, not even bothering to take my clothes off. I hadn't realized how tired I was.

The next thing I comprehended was the shrill beeping of my alarm clock. I almost hit the snooze button, then realized I wouldn't have time to shower if I did. Quickly, I got out of bed and headed over to the bathroom. I took a quick shower, put on a Green Day shirt and skinny jeans, and damn nearly fell down the stairs on my way to the kitchen.

My mom hadn't bothered to go grocery shopping, so I had to settle for a Pop-Tart and some almost-expired orange juice. I was the only one awake, so I ate alone, like always. 

At seven-thirty, I had to stop eating and start putting my stuff together. The bus came at seven-forty-five, and I wasn't breaking my perfect attendance streak for anything. My backpack just so happened to be all the way back in my bedroom. I went and got it, did an inventory check to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything vitally important, then slung it over my shoulder and left the house.

The bus stop was, conveniently, two blocks away from my house. I guess I'm lucky, to live so close to it. Some kids in my neighborhood live on the exact opposite side, so their walk is at least half a mile. My friend Vic is an example.

Speaking of Vic, he came around the corner just then, sweating and gasping for air like usual. "Hey...Alex," he panted.

I smirked. "Did you oversleep again today?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"I painted another picture last night," I said, eager to share my accomplishment.

"Cool," he responded. "Can I come over and see it today?"

"Sure," I said. "Anything new with you?"

He shook his head. "Not really. Hey, did you know there's going to be a new kid in our homeroom?"

"No, I did not know that. How did you?"

"He's in The Addams Family with me. His name is Jack. I forget his last name. Something that ends in 'cat'." 

Then the bus pulled up, and Vic went to go sit with some cheerleader he liked, leaving me to fend for myself. I took a seat in the back and spent the bus ride wondering who exactly Jack was.

*****

The first bell rang, which meant I had to high-tail it to homeroom. That's one of the cons of hanging out in the cafeteria when your first class is at the other end of the school.

Vic had made the smart decision to hang out with his cheerleader in the gym, which, coincidentally, was right next to our homeroom. He was already in his seat when I got there. "My, how the tables have turned," he said as I walked in.

"Shut up." I made my way to my desk. "How's your girlfriend?"

Vic suddenly got this confused look on his face. "Girlfriend?"

"You know, that cheerleader you were sitting with on the bus?"

He burst out laughing. "Alex, that's a guy."

"What?! He wears skirts!"

"So? Kellin's a cheerleader. They all wear skirts. And even if he wasn't, he can wear whatever the hell he wants."

By this time, half the class had walked in and were looking at us weirdly, so Vic felt the need to give them some context. "Alex thought Kellin Quinn was a girl."

This brought a chorus of giggles from the kids in the room. "It's an easy mistake to make," piped up a guy with long black hair from the back of the room. I was pretty sure his name was Gerard.

The classroom door opened again just as the second bell rang, and a dude I'd never seen before walked in. Our homeroom teacher, Mrs. Purdy, tapped the blackboard to get everyone's attention.

"For those of you who don't know, we have a new student today. Jack, come on up here." She waved the strange dude up to the front of the room. "Why don't you tell us a bit about yourself?"

"Uh, I'm Jack Barakat, I like blink-182, and I do theatre with Vic," the dude said.

Vic sat forward in his chair. "I knew your last name ended in 'cat'!"

Mrs. Purdy death-glared at Vic, then turned to Jack. "Why don't you sit down? There's an empty desk next to Alex. Alex, raise your hand."

I put my hand up in the air, and Jack went over to sit by me. For some reason, my stomach suddenly got butterflies. Maybe it was because Jack was very cute.

He had bleached some of his hair, and it looked like skunk fur, but he pulled it off effortlessly. His face was a mix between a baby face and an elderly man's face, which sounds weird, I know, but it was really hot. He had a big nose and thin lips, and mischievous brown eyes that made it seem like he was about to set the classroom on fire. I could see why play directors would want him in their shows. I'd cast him based on his face alone.

The morning announcements started up, so I had to stop staring at Jack and stand for the pledge. For a second I worried about how Jack would do, but he followed along like he'd done it before. Duh. He probably had. It's not like he'd never said the Pledge of Allegiance before.

The rest of the announcements were just dull stuff, like "The football team won six games last week," and "Application forms for the Turtle Club are due on Wednesday." Mrs. Purdy took roll, mispronouncing Vic's last name like usual, and then let us talk amongst ourselves until the bell rang. I turned to Jack. "Hey."

He smiled. "Alex, right?"

I nodded.

"I like your shirt." He unzipped his jacked to reveal he was wearing the same shirt as me. "What's your favorite song?"

I grinned. "I have to choose just one?" He laughed. "But anyway, it's 'Chump'."

"Oh, I love that one! My favorite's probably 'King For A Day'."

"Isn't that the one about drag?"

"KING! FOR! A! DAY!" he sang. I joined in. "In a leather thong!"

We laughed for a bit, and then he stopped. "Hey, you've got a really good voice."

"What?" I'd never been told that before. "Thank you."

"I can't really sing," he went on. "I honestly don't know why my theatre directors cast me."

I thought about the way his face lit up when he was singing, like he was there to entertain and blow everyone away. "You must have something about you."


	2. There's This Ringing In My Head

Second period got out, and the hallway immediately exploded into passing-period rush. It wasn't even hallway rush hour yet, but it was still pandemonium. I was nearly eaten by a group of cheerleaders, and if looks could kill, Kellin Quinn would've brutally murdered me a thousand times. Guess Vic told him about that little misunderstanding we had that morning.

I got to third period in one piece, barely. I was starting to feel a bit panicky and out of control, but I assured myself it would go away.

The classroom was just as chaotic as the hallway. Half the kids were throwing paper airplanes, and the other half were screaming. Carefully, I walked in and took my seat.

People continued to stream in, either joining the existing chaos or creating new chaos as they tried to quiet the classroom down. I just had my head on my desk the whole time.

The bell rang for third period to start, and just like that the chaos died. Someone nudged me, and I almost had a heart attack, thinking it was some sort of pedophile.

But no. It was Jack. "Hey," I said awkwardly. "Didn't know you were in this class."

He opened his mouth to say something, but our math teacher, Mr. Sargent, cut him off. "Good morning class! In case you didn't know, we have a new student today." He gestured to Jack with his hands. "This is Jack, he moved here from Annapolis."

Jack awkwardly waved. I still felt like I was going to be attacked at any given moment.

Mr. Sargent jumped right in with the lesson, which was on geometry. I wasn't really paying attention, and I don't think Jack was either. Or any of the class, for that matter; I swear I saw Ashley Purdy put in his earbuds and hide them behind his hair.

I started daydreaming, because unless you're Ashley, there's no other way to kill class time. Jack's cute. Maybe he takes the bus here. What if I went and talked to him at lunch and found out? What if I said entirely the wrong thing and blew any chance I had at making friends with him? What if I missed the bus on the way home? I don't have a cell phone, how would I get home? What if I have a pop quiz in my next class and I fail? What if I fail a quiz that's not a pop quiz and that I actually studied for? What if I fail the entire semester?

The panicky feeling I'd had at the beginning of class wasn't going away. In fact, it was getting more intense, and I felt like I was drowning. 

I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't breathe. 

I couldn't breathe.

I felt something on my face. Was I sweating from nervousness? Or was I crying? I'd be judged for either one, as if that was going to help. I stared down at my desk, hoping it would just...go away.

I realized my eyes were stinging. So I was crying.

All of a sudden Mr. Sargent was leaning over me, and saying something, but I couldn't process it, I didn't know what he was saying, and fucking stop looking at me, entire class, and then someone grabbed my arm, and I just about jumped out of my skin. I was on my feet the next moment, being dragged out of the classroom, not really processing anything yet still scared out of my mind because goddamn it I have no fucking clue what's going on and I have no control over it and someone is touching me and I don't know who it is and who the fuck is whispering and why is it so hot?

I was probably sobbing and making really ugly noises and just generally being really unpleasant. Vaguely, I knew someone was with me-I could feel them pulling me along behind them-and I hoped it wasn't someone I wanted to make a good impression on.

The person pulling me stopped abruptly, and I almost fell over. I would've, in fact, if there hadn't been a conveniently placed wall behind me. What was the point of stopping, anyway? It's not like it was going to help, I'd still be a wreck.

It was a moment before I noticed whoever was with me was actually trying to communicate with me. They weren't talking loudly, which was a good thing. If they were, I'd just cry harder and make myself look even less attractive to them. "Alex, I'm stopping to let you get your bearings. Alex. Alex. Alex. Can you hear me?"

Fuck.

It was Jack.

Oh my god.

I tried to choke back my sobs, but I ended up sounding like a dying whale, so I just nodded and cried.

"Can you stand to walk some more?" he asked.

I nodded again.

"I'm taking you to the nurse." He took my hand, a bit more gently this time, and started leading me to the front of the school, where the nurse's office was. I followed and prayed no one was watching. What if somebody saw and started spreading rumors about me and Jack? It'd be all my fault, for being so fucking useless, and Jack would hate me for dragging him into it. What if one of the muscly jocks saw? They might not spread rumors, but they'd probably beat us both up, which Jack would also hate me for. What if Jack already hates me, just for this? I bet he does. I'm such a failure.

Jack squeezed my hand reassuringly. "Almost there, bro. You can do this."

I bet he's just saying that to save his reputation, so I won't go around telling people he's a jerk. Or maybe he just feels sorry for the poor boy with anxiety who had a panic attack in the middle of class and sees me as some lesser being he can get brownie points for helping.

I felt like I was going to throw up and/or have a heart attack. I prayed to whatever holy spirit I could think of. Please, not while Jack is around. If I threw up or died near him, he'd probably hate me even more. And I wanted to make him hate me as little as possible, as if I could.

Jack suddenly slowed down and placed a hand around my waist. "We're here. Come on, it's alright. You're doing great." He pushed open the door to the nurse's office with his free hand.

Nurse Anna was sitting at her desk like usual, and stood up when we came in. She was nice and pretty much everyone liked her. The thought made my head pound for some reason and I sobbed harder.

Jack and Nurse Anna started talking about me, but I could barely hear them. I was so lost in my own anxiety I couldn't process more than quiet whispering. Nurse Anna ended the conversation, took me by the wrist, and told Jack to let go of me.

I almost collapsed. Jack caught me just in time, and I guess he and Anna came to the agreement that I wouldn't be able to get to wherever it was they wanted to take me on my own. Jack slid his hand around my waist again and helped me follow Nurse Anna.

I'm such a failure, I can't even walk by myself.

Nurse Anna was moving towards the door to the other room. Oh god. I must be messed up. The other room is where she puts you when she doesn't want you to be around other people. She calls it "the quiet room", but pretty much the entire student body thinks that's a lie. I mean, it's not like anyone's ever been in there, but rumors have their ways.

She opened the door and went inside. Jack pulled me a bit closer to him and went in after her.

My vision went black, and that wasn't just the room. I knew I had a very high chance of passing out then, and tugged on Jack's sleeve.

"What?" he asked, quietly enough for me to process, but, bless his soul, loud enough for Nurse Anna to hear. She quickly turned to us and put a hand on my shoulder.

Or tried to. I flinched so badly I almost knocked Jack over. "Easy there," he whispered, and slowly put his other arm around me. I felt him moving again, and suddenly Nurse Anna was making me sit down, and I couldn't feel Jack touching me anymore, and I was still crying, but harder now because Jack was leaving, and even though he probably never wanted to see me again I didn't want him to leave. I didn't know why, but I didn't know why I was in tears either, so it must've just been the anxiety. I didn't want to be alone. Why was I in the other room? I didn't want to be in the other room. Nurse Anna had gone back into the main part of her office. It was just me now.

Don't leave.

Please.


	3. I Can't Be On My Own

When I got to seventh period, my friend Rian was already in his usual spot. I went over and stood next to him. "H-Hey."

He smiled shyly, like normal. "Hey. You weren't at lunch today."

Oh right. That. "I-um, I..."

"Jack sat with us. He said he knew something about it."

I blushed, and tried to hide it. "What did he say?"

"He said he knew why you weren't there, but he wouldn't tell us why. Something about wanting you to have your privacy."

"That was nice of him." I shifted uncomfortably. "Do you want to know?"

He nodded.

"I-um...I had a panic attack," I mumbled.

"Oh," he said. "When?"

"Third period. Nurse Anna insisted on making me stay in the office until fourth period started."

"Ah." He, thankfully, didn't pursue it any further. He couldn't've, anyway, because the bell rang for seventh period to start. The teacher, Mrs. Whasher, came over and unlocked the door to the PE locker room, and Rian and I joined the torrent of boys rushing in there to change.

The locker room was generally unpleasant. I'll spare you the details.

After changing into our gym uniforms, Rian and I followed the class out to the track. Looks like we were running the mile today.

"Alexander," Mrs. Whasher called, and I turned at the sound of my name. She walked up to me and Rian with her usual resting bitch-face, which softened into what I deemed a condescending sort of leer when she reached us.

She pulled a clipboard out of her special PE teacher bag and flipped to a page. "It says here that you had a 'panic attack' during your math class and spent the rest of the class and the entirety of the lunch period in the 'quiet room' of the nurse's office."

I nodded, a bit taken aback at this sudden interrogation. "I...yeah, I did."

Rian gave me a strange look. Mrs. Whasher went on. "Nurse Anna advised you abstain from any strenuous physical activity for the rest of the day. So I am requiring you to sit out of the mile for today, and you can make it up later."

With my head down, I walked over to the bleachers at the side of the track and sat there while Mrs. Whasher prepared my classmates for the mile run. I was pretty sure I'd get out of this free, but then one of the boys raised his hand. Mrs. Whasher called on him. "Yes, Luke?"

"What's Alex doing over there?" Luke jabbed a thumb in my direction.

"Oh, he had a panic attack earlier today, so he's sitting out." Mrs. Whasher carried on torturing my classmates, while I attempted to keep a straight face. Of course, I failed miserably.

That's twenty-five more people than I was planning on telling. I silently cursed Mrs. Whasher and my entire seventh period while the former stood by the mile timer clock and the latter ran around the track, gasping for air and shooting mocking glares at me as they ran by.

It felt like hours, but school finally got out. Rian and I went back into the locker room, changed into actual wearable clothes, and walked down to the front of the school. We stood by the side of the road and waited for the bus to come, along with Vic and Kellin and some other kids.

Rian and I often did our homework together at my house after school, and I'd invited Vic to come over and see my painting, and naturally Kellin was going to tag along, so Rian and I decided it'd be a good idea to sit as far away from each other as possible. Except, you know, Vic and Kellin would sit together, as they were the ultimate gay power couple.

I spent the entire bus ride worrying about what everyone would think of me. Given that now about fifty people knew what had happened to me, the whole school would probably have heard some variation of the story by tomorrow. I was surely going to die. I'd definitely get teased mercilessly. What would everyone think?

And most importantly, what would Jack think?

*****

Rian and I finished our book reports for English.

Vic was as clueless as me when it came to coming up with a name for my painting, but he said it was my best one yet.

I apologized to Kellin for mistaking him for a girl. He accepted my apology and insisted on air-kissing me on his way out.

They all left around four-thirty.

Immediately, I ran upstairs to my bedroom and got my paints out. I hauled my easel down to the living room, trying not to kill myself on the stairs. Although, I wouldn't actually have minded that much.

After putting Dookie in my CD player, I set up my canvas and paints and stuff on the easel and dipped my brush in the black. I was just about to start painting when I stopped, my brush inches from the canvas.

I didn't know what to paint.

Fortunately, as an artist, I had a method of dealing with stuff like this. Think about what had happened that day, and paint something relating to the most prominent event.

I think it's pretty obvious what the most prominent event of the day was. I set my brush down and recalled the tears and Jack and everything else. Fumbling around for a pencil, I attempted to keep the worrying away as I sketched.

What I was drawing could possibly qualify as a self-portrait, but, theoretically, it could be anyone. I still can't draw faces, so the person in my drawing has their head in their hands. I quickly sketched some more, hoping my mom wouldn't come home while I was working. I finished the last line and got out the brush.

Black. Red. Some more black. Grey this time. A bit of dark blue. More black. I painted over my lines, trying not to mess up horribly. Well, I could just go over it with more paint if I messed up. But still.

"Basket Case" came on, and I set my brush down just long enough to skip it. Sure, I loved the song, but I didn't need to hear it right now. I painted another demon face around the person in the center; that made six total for the picture. The demon faces were probably the worst part of the painting, but I had to practice painting faces somehow. Why not practice on demons?

I stepped back from my work and analyzed what I needed to add next. Shadows. Yes. Normal things had shadows. I mixed some grey paint for them, blending a whole lot of black with just a little bit of white. Shadows were dark grey, as I'd figured out from one of my previous paintings.

"She" was on. I liked the way that song sounded, but I didn't really understand the lyrics. Whatever. Billie Joe was probably stoned as fuck when he wrote it. He was definitely stoned when he wrote "Longview". 

 

I smiled at the thought, filling in the last white spot on my canvas with dark grey paint. I set my brush down for a second when I heard the garage door open and figured my mom must be home.

Great. Now I have no distractions. I carefully tried to take my painting upstairs without smudging it, then went back down for my easel and paint. I got the easel upstairs without spilling any of the paint I was holding, and just barely made it back downstairs in time to turn off my music when my mom came in, holding three bags of groceries and grumbling under her breath. 

I braced myself for imminent danger, but she just thrust one of the grocery bags into my hands and stormed off to the kitchen. I went in after her and set my bag on the kitchen counter. As I helped put groceries away, I thought about my painting. Which made me think of Jack.

Goddamn it, why does everything make me think of Jack?


	4. Beautiful Scars On Critical Veins

The next day, Jack got to homeroom before me.

We sat through the morning announcements, Mrs. Purdy took roll, and I remembered how Ashley hadn't been paying attention in math class the day before. Did Mrs. Purdy know her son had a habit of hiding his earbuds under his hair during school?

Why do I care so much about Ashley Purdy?

As soon as Mrs. Purdy finished roll, Jack turned to me. "We need to talk."

I opened my mouth to reply, but he cut me off. "Not here. Privately. Can we meet right after school gets out?"

I shook my head. "I take the bus."

He nodded, understandingly. "Ah. Well, what do you usually do after school?"

"I do my homework as my house with Rian. You met Rian, right?"

He smiled. "Yeah. He's nice. What time does he usually leave your house?"

"About four-thirty."

"Well," he thought for a moment, "I could come to your house and stay a bit longer than Rian. If that's okay with you, of course."

"Yeah, it's fine. My mom gets home around six at the earliest."

He grinned. "Great. I'll ride the bus with you."

"You know where the bus stop is, right?"

"Yes."

"Cool."

He turned to get out his homework, then said, "Wait."

"What?"

"I just thought of something."

"Yes?"

"Will Rian be alright with me coming over?"

I didn't hesitate. "He'll be fine with it."

He got his homework out of his backpack. "Sweet. I'll be there." He noticed me looking at his work, and smirked. "I didn't finish my science. I was a bit...preoccupied."

"Ah." I got out the book we were supposed to read for English and killed time until the bell rang.

First period passed by in a blur. I wasn't paying attention; never do, to be honest, at least in that class. I was too busy thinking about Jack. We need to talk...I knew what he wanted to talk about, but why? Why did he want to spend time with me, after what had happened? 

Second period passed in pretty much the same fashion.

Everyone tiptoed around me in third period. Mr. Sargent wouldn't call on me, the class was dead silent, and if anyone did talk, it was after a hurried glance at me and in a hushed voice. It got annoying real fast.

Jack and I walked to lunch together. I usually sat with Vic and Kellin and Rian and some of my other friends, and from what Rian had told me the day before, Jack had started sitting there too.   
As we approached the table, my friend Andy noticed us and waved. "Hey, 'Lex". He then dropped his voice an octave and grunted, "Hey, Jack."

Jack laughed. I smiled a bit nervously. "What?"

Andy smirked. "You weren't there. So, yesterday, I got to the table and Jack was already there, and I said, 'Hey,' and Jack just stared at me like 'whaaaaaat?' And I was like, 'What are you looking at?' and he goes, 'Oh! Sorry! Just...the voice does not match the face,' and I was like, 'Yeah, I get that a lot,' and he just kind of dies of embarrassment, and whatever. I thought it was funny."

"You do have the whole 'deep manly sexy voice' thing going on there," I said, instantly regretting using the word 'sexy'. Andy didn't seem to mind, though.

Jack and I sat down next to each other, but we had nothing good to really talk about, at least until Vic brought up theatre. 

"I'm playing a lead role in that frickin' play," Vic boasted. "Ask Jack."

Rian rolled his eyes. "Bruh, that's all you've been talking about since you were cast. Let's hear Jack's take on it."

"Oh, what?" Jack stuttered. "Okay, anyway, Vic's playing...you know the hot guy, Lucas? Vic's playing his father. He has to do this slightly lame romantic duet with this one bitch, Cara."

"Well, your character isn't much better," Vic pointed out. "You're playing the frickin' brother! You get a whole musical number about incest BDSM!"

The entire table burst out laughing, including me and Jack, who was trying to calm down enough to defend himself. "It...it's not...well, actually, I guess that's what it is," he sputtered, his sides heaving. Which just made the whole table laugh harder.

This dude was going to be at my house until after four-thirty in the afternoon.

I couldn't fucking wait.

*****

"You don't have to sit next to me if you don't want to," I told Jack as we got on the bus.

"I don't really have anyone else to sit by," he said with a smirk.

He did have a point.

I walked over to my usual spot, and let him get in first so he could have the window seat. "I'm not used to sitting with people," I said as I climbed in after him. "Usually, Rian is off with his other friend, CC. He has a good reason for that; he and CC don't have any classes together, and CC's in some sort of club that meets at lunch every day except Wednesday, so they hardly ever see each other. I would sit with them, but I tried to once and I didn't understand a word they were saying."

Jack laughed. "I had that happen once. I was at an audition and I was hanging around these two girls named Ashley and Melanie, I think. The audition was for the musical "Oliver". Ashley and Melanie had seen it, I hadn't. So they were talking about the plot, and Melanie asked me whether I liked Bet or Dodger better. I had no idea what she meant."

"Did you get in?"

"Yeah, I was in the ensemble." He smiled and paused for a moment. "Do you have any hobbies like that? Like, what's your thing?"

"My thing?"

"Yeah." Jack leaned back in his seat. "Everyone has one. Mine is, obviously, drama."

"Oh, I paint, " I stuttered. 

"Oh, really?" He leaned forward again. "What kind of stuff do you paint?"

"Just, you know, whatever I can think of. I'll show you some of my paintings when we get to my house."

Jack nodded. "Cool. Hey, random question: do you have any siblings?"

"Not anymore."

He took the hint.

We made casual small talk for the rest of the bus ride to my place. Jack learned that I was born in the UK and moved here when I was six. I learned that Jack has seven pet lizards named Taffy, Looney, Buggy, Coffee, Bambi, Fluffy, and Aragorn. 

"You're so much more interesting than me," I complained when he told me about the lizards.

"Chill, you're plenty interesting," he said. "I mean, you like Green Day, so you can't be that bad."

I smiled. The bus pulled up to my stop, and I nudged him. "This is where we get off."

As we made our way off the bus, Rian fell in behind Jack. "Hello again, Alex."

"Hey, Rian," I said. Jack just nodded at him.

The three of us walked the two blocks to my house, still making small talk for no real reason other than to pass time. I got out my house key the second we got on the path to my front door in the hopes I'd avoid spending too much time fumbling around in my pockets for it when we got to the porch.

I figured I should give Jack a mini-tour of my house, so while Rian got out his stuff on my dining room table, I showed Jack the living room, the bathroom, and the general direction of my bedroom. Just places that would be nice to know the location of.

Jack and I sat down next to Rian and got out our homework. I put on Warning, and we consumed ourselves in our work for the next hour or so, only looking up every so often to ask each other random questions like "What's the square root of 582?" or "What year did Shakespeare die again?"

We finished our homework at a very impressive speed, or at least Jack thought so. "Usually when I do my homework by myself, it takes at least twice as long," he commented, and I smirked.

Rian shrugged. "Time flies when you're having fun." He checked the clock over my oven. "Speaking of which, it's already four-thirty! I'll see you guys later." With that, he gathered up his stuff and left.

Jack looked at me, a bit stunned. "How is he going to get home?"

"Honestly," I said, "I don't know. He just kind of does."

We were alone now. I got up and pushed my chair in, and Jack followed. "We still need to talk," I said. "Let's go to my bedroom."

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea," said Jack.

Jack and I walked upstairs to my bedroom, the tension just starting to kick in. I was doubtful that he actually liked me and a bit scared of what he wanted to tell me. He was stony-faced and playing with the hem of his shirt, which I didn't think was a good sign.

We reached the top of the stairs, and I led him down the hall to my room. I pushed it open, feeling suddenly insecure about the room's current cleanliness. Fortunately, Jack didn't seem put off by the mess. He was more focused on my paintings.

My first one, the one I cringe to look at, was hidden in my closet, but all my others were prominently on display. The painting I had finished days before, the one with the kids, was front-and-center, and I suddenly noticed a little smudge of black in the middle of the forest. The still-life I had attempted weeks before had seemed like a decent work at the time, but as soon as Jack stepped in all its flaws came to life before my eyes. And it wasn't the only one to do that. Every painting in the room instantly became the worst painting I'd ever done, all at the same time. I died inside.

"Wow, these are really good," commented Jack. "Do you name them?"

"I...yeah, I do," I stuttered. "They all have names, except for that one." I pointed to the one with the kids.

Jack took a long look at it, then turned to me. "What about 'Kids In The Dark'?"

I pondered it for a moment. "I like it."

He smiled. "Can we sit down?"

I nodded. "Sure." We sat down next to each other on my bed.

Jack faced me, looking solemn suddenly. "You know what I want to talk about."

"Yesterday," I said.

"I feel like I totally invaded your privacy," he said. "I mean, if I had a panic attack in the middle of class, I'd at least want the person who saw most of it to be someone I was really familiar with."

"Honestly, I'd rather it be you than anyone else in that class," I blurted.

Jack smiled, a bit flustered-looking. "Anyway," he went on, "I invaded your privacy, so it's only fair that you get to invade mine." With that, he pulled up his shirt, revealing his stomach and several lines of thin, white scars that I instantly recognized.

"I don't show these to many people," he said, staring down at his stomach. "Just the ones I think deserve to see them."

"If you don't mind me asking, do you still do it?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I've been clean for about a month and a half." He put his shirt back down and turned to face me. "You can't really compare this to a panic attack, but I wanted you to know I trust you."

"And I trust you, too. I trust you enough to know you'll stay clean. Please don't...I don't know what I'd do if..." I lost my confidence halfway through the sentence.

"You sound like you're speaking from experience. Do you...?" He trailed off, reluctant.

"Not me. But I knew someone who did. They stopped. It wasn't because they got better."

Jack looked down, away from me. Oh no. I probably offended him, and now he regrets ever trusting me with anything. He hates me now, I'm sure of it.

All of a sudden, he put his arm around me, as if to say, "Hey. It's okay. I'm still here and I don't really want to leave." 

I smiled, a bit relieved. "Do you want to go back downstairs and play video games or something?"

He looked up. "Sure."


	5. Left Him Dying To Get In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hate 5SOS.

After an intense video-game war, Jack left to go to his rehearsal. 

For some strange reason, I didn't want him to leave. I wanted him to stay a bit longer. But I knew he had to go to rehearsal, or he'd be kicked out of the show, and I didn't want that to happen. I wanted to hear him sing about incest BDSM.

At least I'd managed to get his number before he left. 

But, you know, it's not like I could text him while he was at rehearsal. I'd have to wait until he got out to actually get a reply.

So, while I waited, I finished the painting I'd started the day before. I decided to make the person in the middle look a bit more like Jack than I'd originally intended on having him look. 

I set my paintbrush down and looked over my work. It sucked. I don't know why it sucked. It just did.

It was a picture of a guy sitting in a chair with his head in his hands, surrounded by a bunch of shadowy creatures. I'd like to think it was deep and meaningful. It's probably the most cliché thing I'd ever painted.

I should just give up.

I took my painting supplies back up to my bedroom and went back downstairs to masturbate when I got a text from Rian.

R: Hey, Alex. Something's happened and I don't think you'll care but I need to tell someone and you're the only one.

A: If it's important to you, it's important to me.

R: CC was in a car accident.

A: Oh my god! Is he alright?!

R: He got hit by a fucking car! Do you think he's alright?

A: Sorry. But how is he?

R: He broke some stuff, and he's gonna be in the hospital for a bit.

A: That's horrible!

R: IT'S FUCKING SHITTY, ALRIGHT? 

A: Whoa. Are you okay?

R: Not really.

A: Do you want me to come over there?

R: Yes, please.

 

I flipped my phone shut and quickly texted my mom where I'd be, then shoved my phone in my pocket, grabbed my house key and some cash, and walked on out the front door. This is about the time I realized Rian lived across town. 

That wasn't much of a problem. I could just take the city bus.

So I hiked six blocks to the nearest city bus stop. 

By the time the bus that went to Rian's neighborhood came, it was already five-thirty. I hopped on the bus and prayed Rian wouldn't hate me for being so late.

The bus pulled in at Rian's stop about ten minutes later. I got off and attempted to remember Rian's address. Oh god. What if I accidentally go to the wrong house?

Fortunately, I didn't have to worry much about that, as a few blocks into my search I spotted Rian sitting on his front porch.

"Hey," he said as I walked up. "Didn't think you'd actually come."

"I didn't think I'd actually come either," I said, sitting down next to him. "So, how are you?"

"Worried out of my mind about CC. Other than that, fine." He shifted a bit. "Want to come inside?"

"Sure." 

He got up and opened the front door of his house, and I followed him inside.

His mom seemed surprised, but not upset, to see me. "Hello Alex. I assume Rian has told you what happened to his friend?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"It's a shame, isn't it? I hope the boy's okay," she said. Rian tugged on my sleeve.

"Come on. Let's go to my bedroom, and we can listen to blink-182 and you can watch me cry, I guess," he said, emotionless.

He walked down the hall to his bedroom, and I went after him. When we got there, he instantly went for his CD collection, took out Enema Of The State, and put it in his stereo, his motions almost robotic. I'd like to be able to say I couldn't imagine what he must be feeling.

I could.

*****

Rian wasn't at school the next day.

As a result, lunch was really awkward. It started out alright, with Kellin bragging about how the cheer team had won the regional championships and was going on to compete in the state finals. Vic kissed him on the cheek and said, "That's my boy," which made Kellin's face turn bright red. We had a good laugh at that.

BUT THEN

Andy posed the fateful question. "Anyone know what happened to Rian?"

Jack immediately looked at me, and the other guys noticed and followed his example.

I stared at my lap. "Uh...you know how he and CC are really close and stuff?"

Everyone nodded, and a guy whose name I keep forgetting cut in. "Ah, right. That."

Andy turned to him. "Jake? What do you know?"

So that's his name. 

Jake started telling the story. "So, me and CC were skateboarding along Swanson Avenue, you know, the street by the mall?"

"The one with all the traffic?" interrupted Vic.

"Yes, that's the one," went on Jake. "We had just started crossing Melon Boulevard and this car came along and apparently didn't see CC and..." He stopped, but the guys seemed to get it.

"I saw Rian yesterday and he said CC's in the hospital. He's worried sick about him," I said.

Suddenly, Andy got up. "I just remembered I said I'd meet Juliet at lunch," he proclaimed, and bolted.

Vic stared after him. "Who's Juliet?" he asked.

"Juliet Simms? He's been talking about her nonstop for the past couple days," said Jake.

"Wait, what?" said Vic. "Oh, wait, I forgot straight people exist."

Kellin snuggled up to him. "Acceptable."

The conversation shifted to girls. A dude named Tony started talking about how "hot" some chick named Marie was. "Too bad she's taken," said another guy. "She's dating Joe Trohman."

The guys went on to argue whether boobs or butts were more attractive, and which girls they wanted to date and which ones should just stay single forever. Kellin and Vic just did couple things and shook their heads.

Jack turned to me and whispered, "I'm not following any of this."

"Me neither," I replied. "People actually think about girls like this?"

"Maybe they do, but I think about boys like this," he said.

My eyes widened. "Did you just come out?"

"I did, in fact. That's actually how Vic and I became friends."

All of a sudden, the bell rang, and we all ran off to fourth period.

My fourth period was English, and Mr. Isaac was taking roll when I realized CC had been in my class. This time around, I tried to act like I didn't know anything.

Rian not being there turned out to be quite problematic when PE rolled around, as I had to change by myself. And when you're surrounded by hormonal testosterone-filled fuckwits, this is a dangerous activity to partake in. 

As I was taking off my clothes, some of those aforementioned hormonal testosterone-filled fuckwits rolled around. 

"Hey, guys, look. It's the crybaby," said Luke, the meanest one of them. His fellow fuckwits laughed and pointed while I attempted to ignore them.

Luke got up real close to my face. "Probably a faggot, too. I mean, look at that skinny little chest."

The other two boys laughed even harder, and one of them, Calum, yelled, "Get him!"

Luke punched me in the gut, and I nearly fell. "What a fucking weakling," Luke snarled, and he made a gesture like he was going to go in for another punch, when someone interrupted him.

"Lay off him or I'm telling the principal." A kid I'd never seen before stepped out from behind the row of lockers behind me and crossed his arms.

"Ha, like that'll happen," said Luke, and punched me again. This time I did fall, and the testosterone-filled fuckwits laughed their tiny brains out.

The other guy made a face and stormed off.

I didn't see him again for the rest of the period, but halfway through class the principal got on the PA system. "Luke Hemmings and Calum Hood, please report to the office immediately."

Thanks, random guy.


	6. Caught Up In The Moment, But Not In The Right Way

A few hours after school got out, someone knocked on my door.

I had just finished my homework and was about to put it away and turn off my CD player. I got up and answered it.

It was Jack.

"Hey, Alex," he said.

"You remembered my address?" I said, surprised.

"Yeah, I did," he replied. "I came to check on you."

"You can come in if you want," I said. He accepted my offer and walked through the door. "Come sit down."

Jack smiled. "Sure." He sat down on my living room sofa and I made to turn off the stereo, but Jack called out, "Can you leave it on? I like this album."

"Oh, okay." I left Nimrod on and sat down next to him. "So, what brings you around at this fine hour?"

He chuckled. "I got lonely, which was problematic as I don't have rehearsal today and I'm new in town. Honestly, you're the closest thing to a best friend I have in this town."

"If I may, why'd you move?" I asked.

"My dad got a job over here that starts early in the morning, so he thought Why not reduce some stress by moving the entire family over here? Before, we lived in Annapolis, which is about half an hour away from here, so I had to switch schools. I didn't have to stop doing theatre at the place I do it at, though, because it's in downtown Baltimore, " he finished.

"Was it hard?" 

He shook his head. "No, not really. I had like one friend at the school I went to before, and he also does theatre, so I still see him. His name's Zack. You'd probably like him."

I shrugged. "Does he listen to blink-182?"

"Yep, and Green Day, too," he said.

"He's cool then," I replied. "What's your family like?"

"Shitty," he said, and I laughed. He went on. "I'm only half-joking. My dad's okay, but he's super homophobic, so I'm scared to come out. I've got three siblings; they're kinda mean. My mom doesn't really do much nowadays, but my family says she did a lot when we were coming into the US. I don't remember that at all. I was like one."

"Wait, what?" I wondered if I missed something.

"Oh, I forgot to mention." He smiled. "I was born in Lebanon. My family left because of the war and stuff."

"Whoa."

"I know, right?" He leaned back on the sofa. "If only I remembered any of it."

I giggled.

Jack crossed his legs. "Hey, did Nimrod end?"

"I think it did," I said. "Do you want me to put on something else?"

He nodded. "Sure. Do you have the new blink-182 album?"

"Yes, in fact, I do. I'll be right back." I got up and went upstairs to my bedroom to get the CD. Jack waited patiently for me to get down and put it in the CD player.

I sat back down by him, and we just sat there listening to "Feeling This" for a while. We were at the second chorus when Jack dropped this bombshell:

"You know, you're really hot."

"What?" I nearly choked.

"Fuck, that was a terrible idea, why did I say that?" Jack stuttered.

I could feel my face going bright red, and I looked down, trying to hide it. "I-I don't-what?"

Jack moved as though to get up. "I'm so sorry, I've probably ruined everything. I'll just...go."

"No! Don't go!" I half-yelled, startling him.

"Wait, why?" he asked, obviously uncomfortable.

I put a hand on his shoulder. "You haven't ruined anything. If anything, now I want you around even more."

He stared at me like I was crazy. "But I'm so awkward, I can't even flirt right."

I smiled. "I can't flirt any better than that, to be honest."

"You're an angel," he said, and I blushed even harder.

"Can I make things awkward again?" I asked.

"Depends on what you say," he said.

"Are you interested in me?"

"Yes, I am," he immediately replied. "Are you?"

"I...don't know," I said. "You make me so confused, and I want to say I'm into you, but I have no clue what it's like, you know?"

"I totally get that," said Jack. He leaned back into the light blue sofa, and I followed his example, putting my arm around him.

"We could try it out for a bit, and see how it works," I suggested.

He nodded. "We could."

"So are we a couple now?" I joked.

"I don't know. When I get home maybe I'll masturbate to the idea," he joked right back.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

He stayed for another half hour or so, only leaving at about six when he realized his parents were probably making dinner and expecting him home.

My mom got home shortly after he left, but I was too euphoric to care much. I helped with the chores without complaining, and whenever I felt like complaining, I just thought of Jack and suddenly the urge was gone.

I slept decently and woke up the next morning feeling okay, and praying all my friends were at school that day so I could brag to them.

Vic showed up to the bus stop out of breath, like always. "You look happy."

"That's because I am," I said. "I think Jack wants to date me."

"Dude, that's awesome!" he said, clapping me on the shoulder. "Are you into him?"

"No idea, but he's a really cool guy." The bus pulled up, and Vic went to go sit by Kellin, leaving me to sit in the back, alone with my thoughts.

Was I into Jack? I mean, he's really hot, and he has a great personality, and I have great respect for anyone who can just casually reference masturbating in the middle of a conversation. 

The real question is, was I into penis?

Yes.

Oh god. I was into Jack. Like, I didn't want to fuck him that instant, but I wanted to date him. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck...

What if he's not actually into me?

Why do I torture myself in this way?

I mulled over Jack until the bus arrived at school. Even when it stopped, I couldn't take my mind off him. I was so caught up in my own head I almost ran straight into someone on my way to the lunch area.

"Oh my god, sorry!" I said to the guy I'd almost walked into.

"It's fine," he said, and I recognized him as the guy from the locker room the day before, the one who'd gotten Luke and Calum in trouble. "Hey, what's your name?"

"Alex." I offered my hand, and he shook it. "Thanks for yesterday, by the way."

He smiled. "Anytime. I'm Ashton."

"Nice to meet you," I said. "Well, I'll see you in seventh period, I guess."

"You too," said Ashton, and he walked away. I made my way to the lunch area, where Rian usually hung out before school started. I prayed he'd be there.

My prayers were answered. Rian was sitting at one of the benches, alone. I walked up to him. "Hey."

"Hey," he said flatly, looking down.

I slid into the bench, next to him. "How are you doing?"

"Not very good. I'm still worried about CC." He looked up at me, and I could see bags under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept in a while.

"With good reason," I said. "If you need to talk, I don't really have a life. I'm always here."

Rian made an attempt to smile. "Thanks."


	7. Never Felt Right Calling This Just Friends

At lunch that day, Rian was a bit less subdued than he'd been the past couple times I'd seen him. He was obviously still really worried about CC, but you could see a bit of his usual self in there, too. I noticed him detaching himself from the main conversation a few times to talk with Jake, and I sensed a budding bromance.

As for me and Jack, well, we flaunted our new relationship status, to the great excitement of Vic and Kellin, and the rest of the guys, for that matter.

"See guys? Jack's been here for only four days or so, and he already has a boyfriend. How long did it take you all?" said Andy. Jack smiled and nodded.

"Vic, you and I have some competition for that 'Cutest Couple' spot in the yearbook," said Kellin with a smirk.

Jack put his arm around me. "Kellin, honestly, with your face, you and Vic already have that spot."

Kellin blushed bright red and looked to Vic for assistance. "Thanks," he stammered.

"So who's the next gay couple going to be?" piped up Rian. "My money's on Andy and Ashley Purdy."

Andy put his head in his hands. "Rian, that was one time. I was going through my 'experimental phase'." 

"Hang on," I cut in. "How come we never heard about this?"

"I deemed it irrelevant," said Andy.

"What did you do?" asked one of the other guys.

"So, Alex and Jack!" snapped Andy. "Let's talk about them."

"Hmm, yeah, that's a good idea," said a guy. "So which one of you is the girl?"

I turned to Jack. "Are you the girl? Because the last time I checked, I was most definitely a guy."

Jack shrugged. "Am I the girl?" He looked down his skinny jeans. "Nope. That's a dick. And I am very comfortable with the fact that it is a dick. Newsflash!" He faced the guys at the table. "We're both guys!"

"But there has to be a boy and a girl," argued some dude. "That's how sex works."

"Oh," I said, glancing at Jack. "That's what you meant."

Jack sat forward on the bench. "Dude, we've been together for less than twenty-four hours. How would we know?"

I smirked. "Though if I had to guess, I'd say Jack's the girl."

Jack playfully swatted my arm. "No way! Look at Alex's face; he's definitely the girl."

I laughed, and we joked around like that with the guys until lunch got out.

The rest of my classes were a breeze, even PE. I had Rian with me, so I lived through it, more or less. Heck, it turned out Luke and Calum had gotten suspended, so I would've only had to deal with one testosterone-filled fuckwit, and Michael was a low-level fuckwit at most. He just cruised around behind Luke and Calum and looked hot and had chicks on his arm and stuff. From what I'd seen of him, he wasn't too hot on hitting people. I mean, he thought it was funny and shit, but he wouldn't do it himself. Probably bruise his pretty little fingers.

Plus there was Ashton, who I introduced Rian to after we'd changed. Rian seemed to take a liking to him, which was good. Otherwise we'd've had something on our hands. Rian may be really nice around people he likes, but he'll go nuclear on people he doesn't.

That's why the fuckwits stay away from me when he's around.

Rian sat by me on the bus ride home, and things started to get somber then, but he told me to talk about Jack. His reasoning was that Jack makes me happy, and when I'm happy, everyone around me is happy too. I told him that's bullshit, but I did it anyway, because he was right on that first part. Jack did make me happy.

Blah blah blah homework, blah blah blah I played Take Off Your Pants And Jacket, and we got stuff done.

My mom got home a bit later than usual that night, at around seven, and she brought home some condoms from work. I don't know why she bothered to take the free condoms her job gave out. Maybe it was wishful thinking.

Although, I could potentially use some.

*****

Two weeks or so went by, and Jack was settling in real nicely. He already had friends, courtesy of yours truly, and he seemed to be getting decent grades. He'd joined me and Rian for homework a few times, and it looked as if that might become a regular thing. I hoped it did. I liked him a fuck ton.

One Tuesday, just after Rian left my house, he turned to me and said,"You know, I kinda like this couple thing."

"Me too. I've been doing a lot of self-discovery," I said.

"Can we kick this up a notch?" he asked.

"Uh, sure," I answered. "Although let's maybe not have sex just yet."

He laughed. "Yeah, I'm definitely not ready for that. I was just thinking, should we start going on, like, actual dates?"

"Oh. Right. Dating," I said. "That's a thing couples do."

"So what do you think?" he asked.

"I think we totally should," I said. "What were you thinking about doing?"

He leaned back in his chair and paused for a moment. "Are you free at seven P.M. on Friday?"

"Yeah," I said. "Why?"

"I'll come pick you up," he said, "and surprise you."

"You're not plotting my murder, are you?" I asked.

He chuckled. "Believe me, I'm too into you to be plotting your murder."

"Okay, what should I wear?"

"Dress nice," he said.

"Anything else I should know?" I asked.

Jack pondered it for a second. "Bring your copy of Take Off Your Pants And Jacket. I don't have my own."

I nodded. "It's settled then."

"Yep, I'll be here Friday night. In the meantime," he said, checking the clock over my oven, "I have to be in downtown Baltimore in half an hour for rehearsal. So, I'll see you tomorrow." He slung his backpack over his shoulder and gave me a goodbye hug before he left.

"I'll see you," I called as he walked out.

The door gently closed behind him, and I instantly started worrying. What if I wore the wrong thing? What if Jack didn't show up on time? How would we get there? I pressed my fingers to my forehead. Fuck.

To take my mind off things, I got out my paints and decided I was dumb enough to try to paint Jack from memory.

Fast forward an hour or so and I've barely sketched half of it. At least it'll be worth it if it turns out like I want it to. Faces are so hard to get right, and I've tried many times.

As you may have guessed, I've never succeeded.

I realized it was almost six, and my mom would be home soon. I put my shit away and masturbated in my bedroom for a while, hoping my mom wouldn't sneak in like she'd been known to do.

Fortunately, she came in complaining about her job so loudly I could hear her from my bedroom. Totally killed my jerk-off session.

I put my pants back on and went downstairs to see her carrying two full bags of groceries, looking very pissed off. "There's one more in the car," she snapped in my general direction when she spotted me. I went out into the driveway and retrieved the third bag, so as to stay on her good side.

"Hey, Mom?" I said when I got back in.

"Yes?" she shot back, not looking up from her groceries.

"Can I go out on Friday night? I made plans with...a friend," I asked, not willing to reveal the whole truth just yet.

"Which friend?" she asked, and I feared for my life.

"Oh...um...his name is Jack. He's new at our school. He sits by me in homeroom."

"Does he do drugs?" she asked. I shook my head. "Well, I guess you can go," she said, and I smiled.

"Thanks." I started to help put the groceries away. "So, how was work?"

"Awful," she snapped. "One of my co-workers had to go out and pepper-spray some pro-lifers out front, and man, pro-lifers are everywhere! There was a lady going in for birth control who was pro-life, and I had to resist the urge to pull out the Power-Point on abortion."

I shook my head. "People are idiots."

"Some days I wish I could just quit. But someone has to work at Planned Parenthood, and it might as well be me." My mom finished putting the groceries away and turned to me. "On another note, have you gotten a girlfriend yet?"

I tried not to laugh.


	8. Like A Bad Movie, I'll Drop A Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Faire Le Con" translates to "fuck" in French.

Come Friday, and I was listening to "First Date" on repeat and totally freaking out.

What should I wear? Is this outfit suitable? Jack said to "dress nice". That could mean anything. Where's Jack planning on taking me? What if he's planning on sacrificing me to the elder gods?

In the end, I just settled for a white button-down and some black pants. Something I wouldn't mind being sacrificed to the elder gods in. I sat on my couch and waited for Jack to arrive.

He showed up a little before seven, dressed in pretty much the same style as me and looking a bit flustered. "Hey," I greeted.

"Did you bring Take Off Your Pants And Jacket?" he asked, and I nodded. "Great. Let's go."

He took my hand and led me out the front door, which I found a bit strange, considering it was my house, but this was Jack, so I went along with it. He and I walked out to the curb in front of my house, where a black Camry was parked. Jack dug around in his pocket and pulled out a key.

"You drive?" I asked.

"Yeah, I technically still have a learner's permit, but I've been doing it for a while now." He unlocked the car and let us both inside.

"My mom won't let me," I said. "I keep telling her I'm seventeen and responsible enough to do it-heck, I ride public transportation alone and I haven't been murdered yet-but she won't let me try until I'm eighteen."

"Hold up," he said, putting the key in the ignition. "You're seventeen?"

"Yeah, my birthday's in December," I said as I fastened my seatbelt.

"I don't turn seventeen until June." He started the car up and put a foot on the gas pedal.

"Hey, where exactly are we going?" I asked.

"Just a restaurant I thought you'd like," he replied, focused on the road.

I put the CD in the car radio and sat back in my seat, and Jack and I listened to it in silence, occasionally singing along. We'd almost finished the album when Jack pulled into a parking lot in front of an expensive-looking restaurant called Faire Le Con.

"This is the place," said Jack, parking the car. 

We got out and made our way to the front doors. "This place seems awfully fancy," I commented.

"It's pretty nice. It's not so nice that everyone there will be judging us, but there are no cockroaches and the food's good," he said as we walked in.

The blond lady at the door smiled at us. "How many?" she asked.

"Two," said Jack, and the lady escorted us to a table near the back. We took our seats as the lady left.

Jack and I looked over the menus. "What are you going to have?" he asked me.

"I don't really know," I said.

"Well, you can pretty much order whatever you want, except the alcohol. I brought enough money," he said.

I read the menu again, and finally settled on something that sounded decent just as a perky-looking waitress bounded up to our table.

"Jack! It's so good to see you again!" she exclaimed, hugging Jack and grinning. "Who's your friend?"

Jack maneuvered out of the hug and cleared his throat. "Alex, this is a long-time family friend of mine, Mrs. Burgess. Mrs. Burgess, this is my boyfriend Alex."

 

Mrs. Burgess's grin became a confused half-smile. "Boyfriend? What do you mean?"

"Like a girlfriend, except Alex is a guy," said Jack, looking slightly uncomfortable.

"Oh, that's what you meant," said Mrs. Burgess, resuming the grin. "How long have you two been together?"

"About two weeks," said Jack. "This is the first time I've really taken him out like this."

Mrs. Burgess smiled knowingly. "Let's hope it goes well, or we may have a case of the 'Angry Couple' on our hands!" Jack nodded. I didn't really know what to think of that. "Now what can I get you two?"

We ordered our food, and Mrs. Burgess rushed off to the kitchen to relay the information.

After I was sure she was out of earshot, I whispered to Jack, "She seems nice."

"I've known her for a while. She's decent," he said back.

About ten minutes later, our food came. I couldn't remember the name of what I'd ordered, but it was quite good. Jack and I ate, making small talk and trying to avoid the subject of masturbation, which was probably not an appropriate thing to discuss over a fancy meal.

We finished our food quite fast, by which time I was grinning like an idiot and Jack was very pleased with himself for causing that. He insisted on paying. "You can pay next time," he promised.

On our way out, he kissed me on the cheek, and I probably turned bright red.

All in all, it was a good night.

*****

The next morning, I woke up at around eleven. I rolled over in bed and checked my phone. I had a text from Rian.

R: Can you come over today?

I texted him a quick reply.

A: Sure, I'll come. Any reason?

R: CC's doing a bit better. Also I don't feel like being alone.

A: I get it. I'll be there by twelve.

Realizing what I'd just texted, I quickly got out of bed, took a shower, and put on some clothes. I rushed downstairs, which was a mistake.

My foot missed a step and I tumbled face-first down the stairs, slamming into what felt like every step. I landed facedown on the tile floor in the kitchen, my entire body aching.

I lifted my head up and rested my elbows on the floor, and tried to shift onto my hands so I could get up. I instantly regretted that decision as a sharp pain stabbed through my left wrist.

Carefully, I stood up without using that wrist, which was a lot harder than it sounds. I limped to the dining room table, clutching my arm and wondering if I could still make it to Rian's. 

Probably not. I set my arm down on the table and attempted to bend my wrist. FAIL.

Well, my mom was at work, and my phone was...upstairs.

I rolled my eyes and made my way back upstairs to get my phone, going slowly, gripping the railing like it was the end of the world, and watching my feet very carefully. I got my phone from my room and repeated the same procedure for going back down the stairs.

I sat back down at the kitchen table and flipped open my phone. Now what?

I didn't know what to do, or who to contact. All I could think of to do was text Rian and cancel on him, but I was scared I'd seem rude and Rian would hate me forever. So I did the only thing I could think of to do.

I called Jack.

He picked up on the third ring. "Hey, Alex."

"Hey Jack, so, uh, long story-" I began.

"What is it?" he asked worriedly.

"So I just fell down a flight of stairs and I may have broken something..." I trailed off.

"Do you need me to come over there?" he asked.

"No, not if it'll inconvenience you," I said quickly.

"I'm coming over there," he said.

"But, well, you don't have to..." I said.

"Babe, I have no life," he said. "I'll be there in about fifteen minutes, and I'll see you then."

"Bye, I guess." He hung up and I quickly texted Rian that it turned out I couldn't make it after all, that something came up and I was really sorry. I prayed he wouldn't hate me.

Jack arrived in fifteen minutes, as promised, and obviously my mom had forgotten to lock the front door when she left, because he just walked on in. "Hey," I said.

He spotted me and took a chair next to mine. "So, what happened?"

"Rian invited me over and I said I'd be there at twelve, but I didn't wake up until eleven or so, so I was rushing to get ready, and my foot missed a step on the way down the stairs. I think I may have broken my wrist," I lamely finished.

"Let me see," he said, and I moved my injured arm toward him.

He placed a hand on my wrist and I let out a noise that was halfway between a gasp and a yell. He quickly took his hand away. "Am I hurting you?"

I rolled my eyes. "No shit, Sherlock. But go on, it's fine. I'll put up with it."

Cautiously, he put his hand back on mine and ran his fingers down the length of my forearm. I yelped when they got to my wrist. "Can you bend it?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Not as far as I know."

He gently picked my arm up, using both hands and keeping my wrist in line with the rest of my arm. Carefully, he bent my wrist, and I yelled for real this time.

"I'm so sorry!" He let go of my arm and moved closer to me.

"It's fine," I said softly, pressing up against him.

"I don't think it's broken, but I feel like you should get it checked out," he said.

"Okay, sure, but my mom doesn't come home from work until six," I said meekly.

"I brought my car," he said. "Come on, I'm taking you to the hospital."

He got up from his chair, and I followed reluctantly. He was right, I knew that, but I hate hospitals. Like, they smell weird, and there's next to no color. And the people there are horrible. Should I mention this to Jack?

Nope.


	9. I'm A Walking Disaster, They Told You To Stay Away

Alex's Sucktastic Day Checklist

Fall down flight of stairs: check.

Get hurt: check.

Go to hospital: check.

FORGET TO TAKE ANXIETY MEDS: check.

And that's why I was crying in the middle of a hospital waiting room at twelve-thirty on a Saturday afternoon. Jack had his arms around me, whispering stuff to try to get me to calm down, but it didn't really work. I was so worked up, I was way past that point.

"Come on, Alex, I'm still here," said Jack softly, with an arm around my back. "You know how long it takes doctors to actually see people. Take all the time you need."

The thought made me shudder, and I sobbed even harder. Jack tightened his embrace, which I'm sure was meant to be reassuring, but it just kind of spooked me. With my good hand over my face, I leaned onto him and tried to think rationally. 

At least I wasn't alone. I'd be inconsolable if I was alone. Jack reminded me of this fact by rubbing my back a bit and whispering, "It'll be fine, 'Lex."

Fast-forward two hours and I had come out of it somewhat, but I theoretically could've burst into tears again at any given moment. Someone called out my last name, and I looked up. "It's about time," said Jack, and helped me to my feet.

Oh. It was finally my turn. Jack and I walked over to the nurse by the door, the one who'd been doing the calling, and followed her through the door, down the hall, and into one of the exam rooms. 

The nurse told me to sit up on the table and started checking my vitals. My heart was racing and they'd probably think I was dying, but it's not like I could do anything about it. I just sat there and let her do whatever it was she had to do to me (which, of course, was pure torture, because this is a hospital).

Just when I thought she was done torturing me, she added on to the torture by telling us to sit and wait some more for the doctor to come. As if we hadn't already waited three hours.

Then she left, and Jack and I were alone together in a small windowless room.

No, we didn't have sex.

Instead, Jack got onto the exam table next to me and took my good hand. "How are you holding up?" he asked.

"Not very well, but I'll manage," I answered. "Just don't leave."

He smiled and looked down at the grey linoleum floor. "Don't worry about that."

"What do you even see in me?" I blurted out of nowhere. "I'm a literal train wreck."

Jack's eyes widened. "Well, you like blink-182, and...and...I don't know. I'm just drawn to you."

I smiled a little, a bit shocked.

He went on. "I mean, you have great hair, and you're so fucking sweet, and I just...I just like the way you roll."

I put my arm around him, not quite sure of what to say but feeling like I was about to explode. "I like the way you roll too."

"What was your first impression of me?" he asked.

"Something like 'Very cute, but what is up with that hair?'" I said, smiling a little at the memory.

"Mine was 'Wow, I sure hope he's not straight. I'd do him," he said. 

I laughed, blushing. "I'd let you do me."

He stopped in his tracks. "Wait, seriously? You'd let me do you?"

"Well, if the circumstances were right, I would," I said. "Like if I has full use of my left hand, and we weren't currently in a hospital, and we did it at my house."

"Why your house?" he asked.

"My house is where the condoms are."

*****

By the time Jack and I got out of the hospital, it was almost six in the evening. I figured it'd take a while, but I didn't know it would take that long.

"Told you it wasn't broken," said Jack as we walked through the parking lot to his car.

"It really felt like it was broken!" I said. 

"Bet it did," he said, finding the car and opening the passenger-side door for me.

I carefully climbed into the car, resting my sprained wrist on top of the glove compartment. Jack got in next to me and started the car up, and began driving to my house.

We were in a hurry to get there, so we didn't play any music. It was a totally silent ride, but it wasn't a bad silence. It was the good kind of silence you have with someone you like.

When we got to my house, Jack got out with me and insisted on walking me to the front door. To my relief, my mom's car wasn't in the driveway, which meant the door would be unlocked. I could pretend I hadn't been at the hospital for six hours. 

(I did call her in the waiting room. Goddamn it, I'm not that bad a child.) 

Jack waited until he was sure I was inside the house to leave, which I guess was nice of him. He hugged me on his way out. "See you Monday, unless you fall down the stairs again."

I laughed and waved him out.

My mom got home barely five minutes later and immediately started complaining again. I only half-listened, praying she'd start making dinner soon so I could leave.

***** 

 

The next morning, I woke up and accidentally tried to use my left hand. MISTAKE.

You'd think the fact that there was a very obvious elastic bandage on my wrist would remind me it was sprained, but no. Apparently, I'm just that dumb in the mornings. Maybe that's why I got a C on my English test.

I checked the time. It was eight-something, much earlier than when I'd woken up the day before. I got out of bed and performed my usual morning routine-put on clothes, shower, take meds, eat breakfast.

 

Halfway through my breakfast, I decided I actually wanted to leave the house that day. I wondered if Rian hated me for bailing on him yesterday.

Welp, there's only one way to find out.

A: Do you hate me?

It took him a few minutes to reply to my text, but he, thankfully, didn't answer the way I'd been expecting him to.

R: Of course not!

A: Thank you.

R: Why would I? Something came up, I get it.

A: I can come over today if you want.

R: Okay, sure. Does twelve work for you?

A: Of course it does. I have no life.

R: Great! I'll see you then.

I put my phone away and finished m breakfast, feeling very proud of myself. I'd actually initiated a conversation and gotten what I wanted from it. Yay me, I guess.

Hopefully Rian was serious when he said he didn't hate me.


	10. God, I'm Sick Of Sleeping Alone

Jack was late to school on Monday.

He stumbled into homeroom a good five minutes after the bell rang, muttering "Sorry, I overslept, sorry," and looking like he'd been put through a clothes dryer. His hair was disheveled, there were dark bags under his eyes, and he was quite literally stumbling, as though he was in pain. I smiled up at him as he made his way to his seat, and he waved back, although that may've just been a wince. Mrs. Purdy made a mark on the roll sheet, presumably changing Jack's status to "late", and went on taking roll. Jack slowly sat down in his seat, obviously trying to hide that he was in pain.

"How are you?" he asked me after Mrs. Purdy finished her business.

"Decent, you?" I answered, taking in his appearance and wondering whether that was a bruise or a hickey on his neck. Neither option seemed like a good one, but I honestly hoped it was a bruise.

"Fine," he said, staring at his desk.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

He turned to face me. "Can I come to your place today after school?"

"Sure," I said.

"Okay. We can talk then," he said, reaching into his backpack and getting out his homework. I left him to do it and got out that one book we were supposed to read for English class.

I didn't really pay attention in any of my classes that day. I was too busy thinking about Jack. Why was he late? What happened to him? Was he okay?

The school day couldn't end fast enough. I had to know what had happened to Jack. So as soon as he and I were alone at my house that afternoon, I jumped on him.

"Okay, you've been limping around all day and you're obviously in pain. What's up?"

Jack shifted uneasily in his seat. "I really don't want to talk about it. But I feel like I owe it to you, so here goes nothing." He turned in his chair so he could look me in the eye and went on. "This morning, my dad and I had a fight."

He began to choke up, and I leaned into him and ran my hands along his shoulders. "Take as much time as you need. I'm here."

Inhaling deeply, he continued. "It was over something stupid. I can't even remember what it was. But he got so mad, Alex. I don't know why, maybe he was hungover or something, but he was enraged. God, I can't believe I just used the word 'enraged'."

I stayed silent, but kept massaging his shoulders as he spoke. "Anyway, he kind of...slammed me against a wall..."   
By this point, tears were starting to run down his cheeks, and I leaned farther into him, continuing the massage and sitting almost on his lap. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

He put his arm around me. "Thanks. I...I can't finish."

I smiled and hugged him tightly, and I could feel him squeezing me back as I spoke. "Was this the first time that happened?"

He nodded.

"Tell me if it happens again," I said. "It might just be a one-time thing. Does your dad seem like he'd do stuff like that regularly?"

"Uh, not really," he said.

"If it happens again, let me know," I repeated.

He nodded. "Alex, I'm scared. I don't want to go back there."

"You can stay the night here if you want," I instinctively said.

"Are you sure?" he asked uncertainly.

"Are you kidding? I love having you around. And I told my mom about you. She'll be fine with it," I replied.

"Thank you so much." He smiled and leaned over in his seat to check the time. "At any rate, I have rehearsal today."

"Do you need a ride or anything?" I asked.

"Nah, I'll be fine." He swatted my arm. "I have a car, remember?"

"Right."

*****

Jack got back from rehearsal around seven-thirty. My mom was already home, making dinner in the kitchen. I'd informed her of Jack's situation, and she had said she'd be fine with it as long as he didn't do drugs.

"Hey, Jack, have you met my mom yet?" I asked him on his way in.

"No, I don't think so," he said, setting his stuff down on my couch.

"Well, let's change that," I said. I took his hand and led him into the kitchen.

My mom looked up from chopping her cilantro and smiled. "This must be Jack."

Jack nodded and offered his hand, and she shook it. "Alex said you'd be okay with me staying over."

"I am. He told me you were going through a rough patch and didn't feel safe at your house. Our door is always open for you," she said warmly.

"Thank you so much, Ms....uh..." Jack turned to me.

"Gaskarth," I supplied.

"Ms. Gaskarth," he said, facing my mom again.

"You can call me Isobel," she said, and resumed the cilantro slicing.

"Want to go play video games or something?" I asked Jack.

"Sure, why not?" he said. "You can choose the game. Whatever you pick, though, I'll kick your butt."

I smirked. "We'll see about that."

Six rounds of Call of Duty later and Jack had, in fact, kicked my butt. We'd only paused once for dinner and a bit of snuggling, after which we resumed the butt-kicking. Somewhere in there we must've lost track of time, and nine o'clock snuck up on us.

I first noticed it was getting late when Jack yawned after the last round. I looked out the window and realized the sun had gone down. "Jack," I said, nudging him with my elbow. "Should we go to bed now?"

He set down his controller. "Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

He yawned again and I chuckled. "Come on. You know where my bedroom is."

I took his wrist in my good hand and led him upstairs to my room, allowing him to sit on my bed. "You're fine with casual male nudity, right?" he asked seductively.

I laughed. "Only if it's you."

He grinned and took off his shirt as I scrambled to close my bedroom door. "And that's about the time he walked away from me," he jokingly sang.

"Nobody likes you when you're twenty-three," I joined in with a smile.

"AND ARE STILL MORE AMUSED BY T.V. SHOWS!" he and I belted together. "WHAT THE HELL IS A.D.D?"

I slid onto the bed next to him, and we sang the entire rest of the song while taking our clothes off. I know, so romantic. Next we're going to skinny-dip to "Longview". 

After the song was done, we were both sitting on my bed in our boxers and laughing our asses off. Jack leaned up against me, and I pressed right back up against him, being careful around his bruises. Slowly, he lay down, and I quickly got up and turned off the light before climbing back into bed with him.

We lay there in the dark for a few moments, just kind of snuggling with each other before Jack pressed close to me. "What next?" he whispered in my ear, wrapping an arm around my lower back and pulling me into him.

"Well, we can't fuck. We have school tomorrow," I said, and he laughed. "Also, my mom's in the next room."

"Right," he said. "How 'bout we just cuddle until we fall asleep?"

I smiled and nodded. Jack ran his hands along my shoulder blades and hugged me closer, pressing my body against his. Keeping my sprained wrist clear of the action, I wrapped my good hand around him and slowly maneuvered my body so my back was to him. He picked up on my cue and pressed up against my back, sliding his arms around my chest and drawing me into him.

My blankets had gotten pushed to the side, but I didn't mind much. I had Jack, and in my opinion, that was better. 

Jack's breathing started to slow down and become steadier, and I did the same to my breathing, so as to match him. With his arms around me, I began to drift off, and from the sounds of it, he was starting to as well. 

I smiled sleepily to myself. This was a good idea...


	11. You Render Me Useless

My alarm clock went off the next morning, but it wasn't what woke me up. Instead, I awoke to Jack gently shaking me and whispering, "Alex, wake up, it's six-thirty."

We had shifted around in our sleep so we were no longer spooning. Jack was practically on top of me, but I didn't really mind much. Because wow, that feels nice. I didn't want to wake up.

"Alex, we have school," Jack murmured, a bit louder this time. I opened my eyes and smiled up at him.

"Oh, fine," I said. "I suppose we can't skip school."

Jack grinned. "Do you need to shower? Because I do."

"What are you thinking about?" I asked cheekily.

"Water conservation," he said in a much sexier way than you would expect someone to say something like that.

I laughed. "Why not?"

Jack smiled and got off the bed. This is about the time I remembered we were both still in our boxers, and I looked over him, just kind of admiring his body. He had the cutest stomach, which I couldn't help but stare at. After a few moments, he noticed me staring and blushed a little.

I looked away quickly and got out of bed too, hurriedly rushing to my dresser to pick out some clothes for myself. 

Jack came up behind me and watched for a while, and I realized he didn't really have clothes for today unless he wanted to wear what he had on yesterday. I dug around in my drawers until I found the Green Day shirt that both Jack and I had and handed it to him along with one of my longer pairs of jeans. "Thanks," he said as he took the clothes.

When I had chosen something to wear, Jack and I headed to my bathroom. Smiling seductively, I opened the door and allowed Jack to enter before I closed it behind us. As soon as it was closed, Jack turned to me. "Okay, who's going to take their boxers off first?"

"You," I said, and turned on the water in the bathtub.

Jack laughed and took off his boxer shorts. "Well, I'm naked and quite comfortable with that fact. Your turn!"

Within minutes we were both naked and showering together in a totally-not-heterosexual way. We may have also been singing. I'll spare you the details.

But by seven we were both fully clothed and...still virgins. Y'all have dirty minds. Jack walked me down the stairs like a fucking gentleman, just to be sure I didn't fuck myself up even more than I already had. Oh god, he makes me so nervous. But also happy. He makes me feel this weird combination of nervous and happy, which I can't think of the name for. 

"What do you want to have for breakfast?" I asked Jack once we got downstairs.

"Eh, I don't really care," he said, and I took that as a sign to make some waffles.

Jack sat down at the dining table while I got the waffles out of the freezer and stuck two in the toaster. While I waited for them to toast, I slid in next to Jack and put my good hand on his. "How are you doing?" I asked him.

"As opposed to yesterday afternoon?" he said. "Better. Especially after all that cuddling we did last night." He smiled, obviously thinking about what we did.

"Yeah, that was fun," I said.

"All I could think of were your paintings. Well, also the fact that we literally spooned, but I love your paintings," he said, and I smiled.

"Thank you," I said. "I don't really think they're that good."

"Dude, they're fucking-"

POP!

"-amazing," finished Jack as I scrambled to catch the waffles.

*****

After school that day, Jack didn't come over to do homework with me and Rian. At first I was worried about him, but at around four forty-five he called me, and he didn't sound like he was dying.

"Hey," he said casually.

"What's up?" I asked.

"My parents are fighting with each other over what happened. I'm hiding in my bedroom," he said.

"Oh," I said quietly. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm good," he said, "but I figured I owed you a better explanation than the one I gave you yesterday. Remember Mrs. Burgess?"

"The lady from the restaurant?"

"Yes, her. She told my parents we were dating." Jack paused. "Which was problematic, as my dad's a huge homophobe. He cornered me Monday morning, and that's what he and I were arguing over."

I thought for a moment. "You said you didn't remember what it was."

"I lied. I do that sometimes."

"Why?"

"I didn't want to have to think about it."

I nodded my head, even though he couldn't see me. "I get it. What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know."

Just as Jack said that, I heard a series of loud noises over the line. I could make out Jack's voice, and someone else's, and suddenly Jack hung up. Worried, I set my phone down and started pacing back and forth.

I didn't know Jack's address, so I couldn't go over there and check on him. The phone was out of the question. All I could do was wait and hope for the best.

*****

The events of the next day only intensified my worries. Jack didn't show up to school at all, and I couldn't concentrate in any of my classes. I narrowly avoided having a panic attack for the first three periods, but then Vic brought up the topic at lunch.

"Jack wasn't at rehearsal last night. Anyone know anything?"

I slid down in my seat and listened to the other guys talking about him, speculating on what may have happened to him. By the first few guesses, I was overthinking everything and panicking so badly the other guys at the table could probably see. Kellin, who was sitting next to me, leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Are you okay?"

I shook my head. "I think I'm going to have a panic attack."

"Do you need to go to the nurse?" he asked.

"Probably," I said, clenching my fists.

At this point, most of the attention was on me and Kellin, and I started hyperventilating. I couldn't stop fucking worrying, and everyone was looking at me, and what the fuck now my body is in motion am I being kidnapped-oh. Oh. It's just Kellin taking me to the nurse. Never mind.

Well, you can say I barely survived that day. 

I won't go into details, but you can pretty much guess how the rest of it went.

When I was finally home alone, I tried to relax by painting something, but the only thing I could think of was Jack.

So I painted Jack.

By the time I was done I was in tears and my painting looked like a soulless demon, but it was worth it.


	12. Get A Grip And Get Out, You're Safe

"Hey, Vic?"

"I'm at rehearsal, what do you need?"

"What's Jack's address?"

"6547 High Creek Drive."

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

I hung up and shoved my phone in my pocket, and waited for the right bus to come. High Creek Drive wasn't that far away, but I figured a bus would be faster than walking.

It came a few moments later, and I got on it. Fast forward fifteen minutes of bus and I was walking down High Creek, looking for the house.

Soon enough, I spotted it. It was a nice-looking house, with two stories and yellow paint, and I could vaguely hear blink-182 coming from the second floor. Upon closer inspection, the sound was coming from a slightly open window with a poster taped to the inside of it. The front yard had a few really old trees growing in it; their branches practically wrapped around the house. I smiled. This was obviously the right house.

Quickly, I assessed the situation. High Creek Drive was in a quiet neighborhood. It was highly unlikely that anyone would see me if I climbed one of those trees, so long as I didn't make too much noise or disturb Jack's parents. Oh god, what if they saw?

Before I could change my mind, I ran up to one of the trees and started making my way up. Maybe this was a bad idea, but Jack spent an entire Saturday with me at the hospital. I figure I can climb a tree for him.

Ignoring the protests from my sprained wrist, I slowly pulled myself up the tree until I reached the window. I positioned myself on the branch so I could see inside the room, which was definitely Jack's. For one, the walls were covered in band posters, most of them blink-182 and Green Day.

For another, he was in there.

More specifically, he was lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. As far as I could tell, he hadn't noticed me yet. Carefully, I shifted closer to the window and knocked on the glass.

The sound got Jack's attention, and he turned his head toward the window. When he saw me, his eyes widened and I swear he nearly fell off his bed. "Can I come in?" I whispered.

He nodded and got up from his bed to open the window further so I could get in. As the light from outside hit him, I realized how bad he actually looked. He had somehow sustained a black eye and was limping badly. I instantly felt like a shitty person for making him get up.

Wincing, he opened the window, and I climbed into his bedroom and slid my arm around his shoulders so he could lean on me. He winced again as I touched him, but accepted the support as I helped him get back to his bed.

All of a sudden, his knees buckled, and I just barely caught him before he hit the ground. I basically had to carry him back to his bed, but I'm not complaining. He's not that heavy, and he feels nice in my arms. 

I laid him back down on his bed and sat on the edge so I could talk to him. He looked up at me with those amazing brown eyes, and murmured, "Why are you here?"

"I got worried about you," I said. "I mean, you didn't show up at school, Vic said you weren't at rehearsal, and the last thing I heard from you was a bunch of yelling over the phone."

"I don't want to talk about it," he said. "I don't even want to think about it. I just want it all to go away."

I just want it all to go away.

"Would you like to hear a story?" I blurted.

"What?"

"It's kind of a sad story. But I want you to hear it." I slid off his bed and knelt on the floor beside him, so he could see my face. 

"Tell away, then," he murmured. 

"When I was twelve, my brother died. He had an alcohol problem. I was very close to him, and for a long time afterward I blamed myself. Still do, in fact. It's one of the reasons I have anxiety. At any rate, a few days after it happened, I got into an argument with my parents. They tried to make me talk about it. Do you want to know what I said to them?"

"Yes, what did you say?" Jack asked.

"'I don't want to talk about it. I don't even want to think about it. I just want it all to go away.'"

Jack didn't say anything for a few moments, just stared up at the ceiling. I wondered what he was thinking, but decided I wouldn't press. I didn't want him to hate me forever. Maybe he already did. Oh god. I kept my eyes on him and prayed to all the holy spirits out there.

The room was dead silent, and I realized the blink-182 CD Jack had been playing earlier had ended. "Hey, do you want me to put in another CD?" I asked.

"Sure, okay. Put in the new blink-182 one."

I got up and found the shelf where he kept his collection and retrieved the CD. I was just about to put it in his CD player when I heard him say, "Wait."

Setting the CD down on the table next to the player, I turned to face him. "What?"

"I have something to tell you. Please don't hate me."

I walked back to his bed and sat down where I'd been before, on the edge. Jack swung his legs over the side and sat up with me.

"Do you remember that first day I went to your house?" he asked. 

I nodded. "Yeah. We did homework with Rian, I kicked your ass at video games, and you showed me-" 

"Right," he interrupted. "About that. I...kind of...broke my promise."

"What do you mean?"

He took a deep, shuddering breath, like he was about to cry. "I'm so, so sorry, Alex..."

"What is it?" 

His voice was little more than a whisper, and I could see tears start to form in his eyes. "I...I relapsed."


	13. From The Weight Of The World

"What?" I said in disbelief.

"I was really overwhelmed and I suddenly got this...urge. Like I had to do it." Jack leaned forward and put his face in his hands. "I regret it now."

Seeing Jack like this triggered my protective boyfriend instincts (which I didn't know I had, but okay), and I immediately asked, "What did you do it with?"

"It's on my bathroom counter. You'll know it when you see it."

Well then. I squeezed his shoulders reassuringly before getting up and going into his bathroom.

The first thing I noticed was that all the towels were lying on the floor instead of hanging on the hooks where they were supposed to be. I decided not to move them, just in case.

The second thing I noticed was the razor blade on the counter. That must've been what Jack meant. I quickly picked it up and went back into Jack's room. 

Jack was sitting up straight on his bed, watching me. I walked over to the still-open window, making sure he could see me, and threw the razor blade out the window.

He looked at me, aghast. "You just..."

"I did. Now, first order of business: when was the last time you showered?"

He shifted around on his bed. "I dunno...your house?

Recalling the event, I smiled and sat down next to him. "Are you still wearing my clothes?"

"Oh...yeah, I am." He looked down at himself awkwardly, and I smirked.

"Come on," I said. "You need to shower."

"Shower? I can barely stand up," he admitted, and I remembered how he'd been limping earlier.

"Well, at least take a bath," I said.

He nodded. "Okay, sure."

I slid my arm around his shoulders and helped him to his bathroom, feeling slightly bad for making him move. He was probably in a lot of pain. But, you know, self-care is important. Even if it's less like self-care and more like my-boyfriend-is-doing-all-the-caring-care.

I'd left the bathroom door open, so Jack and I just walked right on in. I closed the door behind us and turned on the water in the bathtub. "Do you want me to leave?" I asked, having suddenly occurred to me that Jack might want privacy.

To my surprise, Jack shook his head. "No, please stay, I need someone to keep the house from flooding if I die."

WAIT WHAT

Seeing the look on my face, Jack laughed, the first real laugh I'd seen him do that day. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna die from taking a bath. But I still want you in here. I just don't want to be alone."

I smiled. "I get it."

"Now can you help me get my clothes off?" he asked. "Sorry, that sounded really wrong, but I'm starting to get all stiff from...you know...and I can't really lift my arms above my head."

"Sure thing." 

Carefully, I got Jack's clothes off, and as a result, I got a very good look at the various injuries he had sustained.

His shoulders were still bruised from Monday morning, but the front of his collarbone sported new bruises, which were very obviously not made by fists. My gaze traveled downward to his legs, which had nearly identical bruises, except more severe, like he'd been hit hard enough to break the skin. It made me sick, and I hurriedly helped him into the bathtub so as to avoid looking at them.

I spent most of the next half hour kneeling beside the bathtub, just making weird small talk with Jack. I mean, it was quite fun, because you don't get to talk about stuff like that every day, but I couldn't help but feel like I was intruding on him.

Soon enough, Jack was done with his bath, and I helped him put on some fresh clothes before starting up the music again, per his request.

He seemed to be feeling better, so with that in mind, I asked him, "Have you eaten anything today?"

He shook his head. "I haven't even left my room."

"Wait, why not?" I asked.

"For one, my legs really hurt," he said. "And for another, I don't know whether my family is home or not."

"Are they usually home all day?" I asked.

"Well, no, my dad doesn't get home from work until around four, and then sometimes he has meetings later, and my mom...well, I don't know where she goes, but she's usually out until five or so, sometimes later, and my siblings have all moved out."

"It's around five-thirty now," I said. "Do you want me to climb out on that tree and check to see who's home?"

Jack's eyes widened. "Would you really do that?"

"Heck yeah."

"I mean, with your wrist and all..."

"Who cares?" I got up and climbed out the window onto the tree branch just far enough so I could see the driveway, then climbed back in and reported my observations to Jack. "The driveway's empty."

Jack seemed to relax a bit. "Oh, good. I can leave."

"Do you want to stay at my place again?" I impulsively said.

"Really?" he asked. "You'd let me do that?"

"Yes, definitely," I assured him. "You're always welcome at my house."

He grinned. "Thank you so much." 

I helped him stand up, then carefully walked him down the stairs to his kitchen. I'd never actually seen his kitchen before, but it wasn't really that interesting. There were still boxes everywhere, and it looked pretty empty.

Before we got out the front door, Jack stopped me. "Wait," he said, "can I do something first?"

"What do you need to do?" I asked.

"I want to write a note to my family telling them where I am. My mom flipped her shit when I didn't tell her last time."

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea," I said as Jack limped over to the counter.

The counter had a conveniently-placed notepad and a few pens, which I assumed were for grocery lists and such. I leaned over Jack's shoulder as he wrote.

Hey guys. I'm gonna be at Alex's for a while. I'm not really sure how long, but I don't want to be around any of you right now, not after what happened. I'll be back when I know I'll be safe or when Alex kicks me out, whichever comes first. And before you try to contradict me, no, I'm not safe. Sincerely, Your Very Gay Son, Jack.

"'Your Very Gay Son'?" I asked.

"What?" he said. "I don't want them to forget how incredibly gay I am."

"Understandable."


	14. Just Take A Second to Set Things Straight

I unlocked the front door of my house and gently led Jack in. With one hand around his waist, I guided him to the couch and helped him sit down. 

"First things first," I said, "I'm going to put on a movie so we have an excuse to eat popcorn. Any requests?"

Jack shifted on the couch. "Do you have Home Alone?"

Smiling, I reached for the movie shelf. "Yes, I do."

I put the movie in the DVD player and went to the kitchen to make Jack some popcorn. While it was popping, I got some ice for his bruises and went back out to bring it to him.

He was leaning up against the armrest with his head tilted back; he looked up when I came in. I walked over to where he was sitting and handed him the ice. "I brought you this, you know, for your bruises," I said a bit awkwardly.

Jack smiled and accepted the ice. "Thanks."

Just then, the microwave beeped satanically and I had to go get the popcorn out.

By the time I'd gotten the popcorn, the movie had already started. I set the bowl on the coffee table and sat down on the couch, snuggling up next to Jack. He smiled and kissed me on the cheek.

Without thinking, I leaned in and pressed my lips to his. His eyes widened in surprise, but he didn't pull away. I wrapped my arms around him and drew him in closer, and he slid a hand behind my shoulders. He didn't seem to want to end it, and I was glad for that. I didn't want to end it either.

All of a sudden, there was a knock on the door, and Jack abruptly pulled away. I smirked at the look on his face and got up to pause the movie and answer the door.

It was a straight couple I didn't recognize. The lady smiled at me when I opened the door, but the man just stared at me like I was a disgusting rodent. I peered back at Jack. "Do you know these people?"

Jack made his way across the room to the door. I slid my arm around his shoulders as he came into the doorframe. When he saw the couple, his face paled.

"I have nothing to say to either of you," he muttered, staring down at his feet.

"Now, what makes you say that?" the lady asked condescendingly.

Jack gestured to his badly bruised face almost comically. 

The man put his hands on his hips. "You deserve it. Now, get in the car and get your sorry little ass back home."

I stepped forward, trying to be intimidating. "Don't hurt him."

The man raised his fist, and I realized a bit too late that he was holding a pole about two feet long and an inch in diameter. I cursed myself for not noticing earlier, but it didn't really matter. What mattered was that Jack could get hurt. 

The man brought his fist down, and instinctively I thrust my arm in between him and Jack. 

A sharp pain stabbed through my wrist as the pole hit my arm, and Jack stared at me in shock. "Alex, why the hell did you do that?"

I bit my lip and faced the couple. "Leave. Now."

"Not without the boy," snarled the man, baring his teeth.

"Fuck off," shouted Jack.

A look of absolute rage on his face, the man swung at Jack's legs with the pole. It found its mark and Jack gasped. "Stop it!" I yelled. 

He hit at Jack again, this time across Jack's stomach. "I said you deserve it, fag!" he snapped. 

I grabbed Jack by the shoulders and yanked him back away from his attacker. "Well, I said stop it. And you didn't. So I'm calling the police."

Curse my fucking smart mouth. 

Before I could live up to my promise, the sound of a car pulling up in a driveway caught my attention, and I realized how late it was. It was probably my mom.

Nobody else seemed to notice it, however. The man swung at Jack's collarbone, and I yelled again. "Fucking stop it!"

This time, Jack's attacker didn't pause between blows. He hit just where the first blow had been, and Jack outright screamed. And still, the beating went on. It made me sick, so I kept yelling. "Stop it, stop it, stop it!"

"Don't move!"

The couple turned to face the speaker. Jack collapsed, and I caught him just before he hit the ground. Carefully, I lowered him the rest of the way down and kissed his cheek. "I love you."

"Who are you, and what are you doing here?"

I looked up from my boyfriend to see my mom staring down the couple. I smiled inwardly and began to stroke Jack's hair.

"We're Jack Barakat's parents. We came to make sure he's okay," said the lady. I glared at her from behind.

My mom peered over their shoulders. "Are you sure about that?"

"Wh-what do you mean?" said the lady. From the way she said it, it was quite obvious she was lying.

"Really? Really?" asked my mom. "He doesn't look that okay to me." 

"Well, here's the thing-" began the man, but my mom cut him off.

"I saw you. I called the police. They're going to be here in less than five minutes."

As if on cue, I heard the screech of a siren from far away, steadily getting louder. Jack clenched his fists, and I kissed him again. "It'll be okay," I whispered in his ear. "I love you, remember?"

The couple began to argue with my mom, but I stopped paying attention. Jack was more important. I couldn't really do anything for his injuries, but I tried the best I could to calm him down.

A few more biting statements later, a few police cars, an ambulance, and a fire truck (for good measure) pulled up in front of my house. "The authorities are here," I murmured to Jack.

He reached out and took my hand. "Hey, is your wrist okay?"

I'd forgotten being hit there in the chaos. "Oh, I'm fine."

"Can you help me sit up? I want to see this," he said, and I slid my arm under his back and gently helped him up. Almost immediately, he fell back down. 

"Jack? Jack, are you alright?" I said. His eyes were closed, and he didn't reply. "Jack?"

"Son, can you tell us what happened?" A police officer came up behind me, and I jumped.

"Sure, okay," I said.

I quickly recounted the event, and the officer nodded. "Thank you. Now, is your boyfriend okay?"

"Well, I think he passed out," I said.

The officer nodded again and waved to somebody outside. A few moments later, a couple EMTs came up to us with a stretcher and began checking Jack's vital signs. 

One of them turned to me. "Excuse me, can you move out of the way?"

I reluctantly shifted to the side as they got Jack onto the stretcher. I mean, I didn't really want to leave him, but I didn't have much of a choice. The EMTs pushed the stretcher out the door, and I stared at them the whole time they were getting him into the ambulance.

Jack's father was in handcuffs. I smiled to myself as the police took him off. Jack's mother had disappeared somehow; I hoped she had just gone back to her house.

After a few more minutes, the chaos died down, and the police cars and ambulances got ready to drive away. Standing in the doorway, I watched them go. Jack and I had been separated for less than ten minutes and I already missed him. 

Oh well. He'd be okay.

We'd all be okay.


	15. Epilogue (Why Don't You Say So)

The cast finished their bows, and some of the audience members stood up. Rian, Kellin, Andy, and I were four of them. The rest were pretty much just all old people. Oh well.

As the music started to wind down, the cast split down the middle of the stage and walked down the stairs, into the audience, through the aisles, and out the door of the theatre. Their standard drill. 

This was the audience's cue to follow them out. The old people who'd given the actors standing ovations were among the first out the doors, and everyone else just slowly trudged behind them. Wow. Did they like the show or not? They better've liked the show, or I was gonna have a bone to pick with all of them.

Rian, Kellin, Andy, and I made our way outside to greet the actors, and by greet the actors, I meant jump on Jack. 

When we got out there, Jack and Vic were talking to some elderly women. Kellin and I figured we'd better hang back until they left.

Soon enough, the old ladies went their ways, and the coast was clear. I ran up to Jack and squeezed him so tightly I worried I might break him for a moment. "Whoa, there!" he grunted, and squeezed me back.

Though neither of us wanted to, eventually we had to let go. I took his hand and smiled. "You were fucking amazing up there."

He blushed slightly. "Really?" he stammered. "You think so?"

"Heck yeah!" I said. "I've never heard you sing before. You can really sing."

"Thank you." He grinned. 

"You can act really well, too," I said. "For a moment I forgot you were my boyfriend."

"The incest BDSM really does it, doesn't it?" 

I laughed. "That was amazing."

He was really smiling now, from all the praise. He was the cutest fucking thing I'd ever seen. I kissed him lightly, wanting this moment to last forever.

Next to us, Vic and Kellin were all over each other, making out in ways I thought only happened in porn. Rian and Andy were standing slightly behind us, looking very awkward with all the homosexuality. 

"Oh!" said Jack. "That reminds me." He scanned the crowd, apparently looking for someone. "Yo, Zack!" he yelled.

A few seconds later, a guy came up to us, and I recognized him as the dude who'd played the entirely forgettable love interest. "'Sup, Jack. Who are these?" he asked, gesturing to us.

"Guys, this is Zack Merrick, certified skater," said Jack. "Zack, these are Rian and Andy, the guy Vic is kissing is Kellin, and this is my boyfriend Alex."

"Ah," said Zack. "You've already got a new boyfriend, haven't you? He's pretty cute."

Jack stared at the ground. "We've been together for what, two weeks?"

"Yeah, it's been two weeks," I supplied. Technically, it had been a month since Jack and I started calling it a relationship, but our first date was two weeks ago.

"Hmm," said Zack. He glanced past us, at Rian and Andy, and I noticed the look on Rian's face. Someone has a crush.

Jack noticed too, and we exchanged a glance. Later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it. That's the whole fic. I might write a sequel. I really don't want to write a sequel, but if people want me to, I'll write the fucking sequel.


End file.
